I’m back!

I have been a bad blogger but I will be a good mother and blame it on the baby.  I have had the first trimester from hell and at 14.5 weeks I am so glad it’s coming to a close.

The all-day-and-night nausea and constant vomiting meant a 7 week hiatus from work. I could hardly look at a computer screen for want of hurling.  My weight went down to 50.7kgs from my starting weight of 55kgs but I’m hoping for an upward turn from now on.  I’m back at work, enjoying being more productive and my belly is slowly beginning to “ripen.”

I am once again excited about being pregnant and even more excited about becoming a mother.

November 19, 2009. Tags: . pregnancy, second trimester. Leave a comment.

Rush Hour (continued…)

The train slowed down as it reached the interchange and came to a complete halt. But wait…this wasn’t the station, it was a few hundred meters before the station. Our train was waiting for the train that was currently boarding passengers to leave before it could pull in. You can infer from this how long of a wait it is on the platform for the next train. It’s often less than a minute. Having had grand delusions about doing my part for the community I was now in the center of the car, the place dreaded and  avoided by all commuters.
– Why move to the center when that would just mean you would take longer to get off when you got to your stop? Never mind if you’re traveling ten or twelve stops, access to the door is all important you see –

When the doors finally slide open at Jurong East, twenty or thirty people vie for the few remaining spots in the car. I get crushed between the un-deodarized armpit of  a man who  is holding on to the top bar of the hand rail instead of the little loops you’re supposed to use and a very well dressed lady in very high heeled and very beautiful gold pumps. She looked at me in the way us rush hour folks look at each other, that veiled confrontational look. It’s the ‘I-don’t-want-to-look-you-in-the-eye-in-such-close-quarters BUT… scuff my pumps and die!’ look. I admired her shoes shining in the morning sunshine and plotted my strategy of how to get past her as I needed to get off at the next stop. “Excuse me” I said meekly and well in time as the train pulled up at the station. She graciously moved aside and disaster was averted. She didn’t know it but it would have broken my heart to have scuffed those pretties. Emboldened by my success I forged ahead trying to get to the exit in time. Nobody else seemed to care that I was panicking and I had no choice but to use my bag filled with the new Richard Powers novel I had picked up from the library yesterday as a battering ram to get me through the crowd and out the door in time. Phew…now all I had to do was try to get a spot on the feeder bus that got me to work.

September 28, 2009. Singapore life. Leave a comment.

Where are my sea legs?

So the nausea and vomiting has begun in earnest. Getting out of bed in the mornings is just torture! I have erm… ‘reverse constipation’ too so I have to  jump out of bed and rush to the loo in the mornings and just feel miserable all day. Hey at least this means the little bean is growing really well right?

My GP thinks the diarrhea means I may have a stomach bug so hopefully its just that and I don’t have to feel this way for two more months *fingers crossed*

I can’t believe the little squirt can cause this much havoc in my life already!

September 25, 2009. first trimester. Leave a comment.

Irritable

There’s something about being pregnant that makes me extremely irritable. Not that I am the most patient person on regular days but man now I’m just annoyed at everything. Being tired from growing the baby doesn’t really help, it’s a viscous cycle. Alot of it has to do with my super sensitive senses, especially smell and hearing.

Things I’ve been angry about recently:

I can’t fall asleep but I know I’ll be up two hours before my alarm goes off
I’m up two hours before my alarm goes off

I’m queasy-I’m hungry-I’m queasy-I’m hungry

Loud sneezes really assault my senses and make me want to punch the person

Your perfume stinks

Oh my God has TV always been this annoying sounding? turn-it-off-turn-it-off!

People cutting in front of me to get on the train or bus

Why are you chewing that cookie so loud? Also, cookies smell (bad).

The other night in the middle of watching a DVD I got really angry and started scolding N out of the blue. I accused him of having us stay up too late and was he going to shave because I was going to be late for work if he waited till morning and oh my god why aren’t we asleep already. He stared at me dumbfounded and then we both started to laugh. It was really a good rant I was on.

I really hope this lets up soon.

September 24, 2009. first trimester, pregnancy. Leave a comment.

On kindness

The year: 2005

N and I were back in Singapore trying to find work. We lived in a ghetto apartment and our income was solely a few tutoring jobs I held. We had no money and we shared a cellphone. Everyday while I was out tutoring my students, N would work on his portfolio and job applications.

One day when I was returning home it started to rain particularly hard. Singapore’s tropical storms are no joke, buckets of water are dumped on you. The winds beat the rains into sheltered walkways and you’re pretty much assured a good soaking if you go outside.  The walk home from where I would alight was a good 5-10 minutes and was not sheltered most of the way. We had no water heater at our place so I wouldn’t be able to warm up with a hot shower when I got home. The rain showed no signs of slowing, so, cursing,  I gritted my teeth and decided I would brave the storm to get my umbrella-less sorry self home as possible. Just as I turned the corner from the bus stop was the Immigration Building which was the last bit of shelter I would get and as I looked out ahead into the sheets of rain I was about to submerge myself in, there he stood, my future husband, holding an umbrella against the downpour. I was stunned, he didn’t have a way of contacting me to let me know he would wait for me with an umbrella, he just decided to come and find me there somehow so I wouldn’t have to brave the rains alone without an umbrella.

I thank the Universe everyday that I have him to bring me shelter and to walk me home in the rain.

September 22, 2009. Tags: . love. Leave a comment.

The early days

When I first found out I was “with child” I didn’t feel any different at all. I asked my mum if I was supposed to feel different now (I meant both physically and emotionally) and she replied not for a few weeks more. I just felt slightly dizzy, as though buzzed on a few glasses of wine. I still have a difficult time staying focused on things and have to concentrate really hard to stay on task. I can hear the buzzing in my ears and I like to think of it as the baby communicating with me, telling me he/she’s in there, working hard at growing. This loony idea keeps me sane as its now almost two weeks since the day 1 and we still have no idea how far along I am. The doctor said 5 weeks a week ago looking at the yolk sac but I really think I’m closer to 7. We’ll get a better idea of the dates when we go back a week from now and hopefully see the beansprout for real this time, hopefully with a heartbeat!

This morning though I woke up nauseous and the wave hit me really strong as I got out of bed to use the loo. I guess the metaphorical glasses of wine multiplied in my system and gave me a bad hangover. Luckily though a little spoiling from my love cured me quick. I had breakfast in bed followed by breakfast at the table. I guess the bean is like her parents and really takes her feedings seriously! I think I’ll have to eat from now on even before I get out of bed in the mornings…poor me 😉

September 20, 2009. first trimester, pregnancy. Leave a comment.

Rush Hour

It seems to me that even the best of public transport systems, like the one we are privileged with here in Singapore, rush hour brings out the worst human behavior. Commuters rush towards the train doors, no wait… the markings that represent where the train doors will be when the train arrives. They push and shove their way forward, elbows out, heels engaged, ready for passive-aggressive staring battles with anyone who may dare to pass them and grab the coveted spots that allow them to board the train first. The 7-8am crowd is largely urban professionals and students, generally well-dressed with a look of determination in their eyes that anyone daring to make eye-contact will easily pick up on. They need to get to work and school on time, the elderly, pregnant and those with young children be damned!

This particular morning I had hit the snooze on my alarm one too many times and was running a little late so I joined them in the manic desire to get on the next train. As I took the escalator up to the platform I was pleased to notice that it wasn’t overcrowded on the side that I needed to board and I carefully selected my spot for easy access to the train car. As the 3 minute wait for the train ensued, a group of 3 ladies walked up next to me and I noticed that one of them was older and rather frail. I shifted aside to allow them access to the car as the train pulled up at the station. Talking loudly the 3 women rushed at the opening doors, blocking the way of alighting passengers who had to shove past them to get off the train. They then boarded the train, the two younger women shielding their older companion with their bodies as people jostled for a coveted spot on the direct train to Pasir Ris from the Red line.

As I made my way into the car I encountered a blockage, it was the three ladies maneuvering their way into a seat that some kind person had offered the old lady. That’s nice, I thought…fighting my annoyance as I was crushed against the back of the lady who was now standing next to her companion’s seat. The lady looked at me in annoyance. Why was I bumping into her? Was I some lunatic? A pervert craving bodily contact? She was standing so strategically clinging on to the old lady’s had that the throng of people still trying to board the train could not move past her to get to the center of the car which still had plenty of standing room. “Excuse me…may I move in?” I mustered up as nicely as I could. I did feel bad that she had to take care of an elderly charge in this pack of wolves. She grunted as though I were one of those annoying credit card or insurance sales-people who accost people in crowded places when they’re obviously rushing somewhere. I finally had to shove past and find a spot in the center where I could breathe a little easier until Jurong East where the second crush would come from desperate commuters none of whom could afford to wait 3 minutes (gasp!) longer for the next train.

September 18, 2009. Tags: , , . Singapore life. Leave a comment.

Taken for granted

Just hours after finding out about the the little bean, N had to go on a business trip. His first one ever! I helped him pack and was so proud of how amazing he is at his job that they need him to go overseas to make sure things are going according to plan. In our years living in Singapore we have been fortunate enough not to have to travel for work. We have taken for granted our evenings spent laying about together after dinner dissecting our days for each other. This week has been tough without him. Pregnancy hormones are raging and I miss my level headed always optimistic partner-in-life.

There are so many things in life its easy to take for granted. Complaining about not enough money or not enough free time to spend with family and friends is such an easy habit to fall into that I am so guilty of. Living in a country away from our families and many of our best friends is tough too. Last month we missed our beloved mother’s 55th birthday (N’s mom). This month I miss my Grandfather’s 70th birthday, my little brother’s 10th along with my beautiful Ma’s and my best friend’s birthdays. Next month my other bestie will celebrate another birthday without me buying her a drink (again) and our nephew will turn one without us ever having met him.

N’s absence this week has made me weepy but also helped me realize that I am so fortunate to have him in my life loving me everyday. It’s the same with everyone else who is absent from our regular daily schedule – they are all so special and give so much value to being alive even though we don’t get to see them everyday, the world really is a better place because they exist.

September 15, 2009. Tags: , . first trimester, love, pregnancy. Leave a comment.

Day 1

I woke up earlier than usual for a weekday morning. My eyes shot open as I realized I was still missing my period due a week ago. Last week’s HPT having LIED been negative the hubs had cut me off from buying any more “clear blue” testing packages. Having irregular periods meant I had become somewhat addicted to the things, incessantly peeing on them on a whim. Being the lovely husband he is though, Nick had a hidden stash that he would ration out to me when I pleaded for peace of mind. I shook him awake and made my case. Not wanting to get into a discussion that early in the morning he had me wait in the bathroom so I wouldn’t see where his hiding place was and in less than a minute I was doing the deed.

Expecting the usual negative, which was both reassuring and somewhat disappointing, I watched the test work. Seeing the line turn into a faint + sign instead of the usual – I gasped, blinked and rushed back to bed where oblivious Dad-to-be was fast asleep since his rude awakening a few minutes ago. I jumped into bed and shoved the pee stick in his face. I’m pretty sure he didn’t read the lines but my reaction was all he needed to know this time was different. “We’re pregnant?” Yup, most certainly, definitely, preggers! He smiled his beautiful sleepy smile and hugged me close letting the news sink in. We laughed, a little nervously at first and then like giddy teenagers (oh the irony!), we were going to be parents.

Less than an hour later we were waiting to cross the street and Nick says, “Doesn’t it seem like the weekend was months ago?” I agreed, so much had happened since then. Laughing….we skipped across the street…so much had happened since we woke up that morning and it was just the beginning.

September 12, 2009. first trimester. Leave a comment.

September Surprise

Having lovingly envisioned him/her but not having “tried” to make a baby, our pregnancy came as an exciting surprise. Not everything is in place just yet, we’re just beginning the search for our first home to purchase and I, the mommy to be, am still putting the finishing touches on my Masters thesis but our family has never been more perfectly in place.

September 10, 2009. first trimester, pregnancy. Leave a comment.

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